Open Your Heart
by Glee Klaine Fanboy
Summary: A kind of re-take on my fic "Open My Heart" with more plot, and set after Season 3A. Derek and Cora left Beacon Hills, and Stiles totally took it personal. What would it take to bring Derek back? Eventual Sterek
1. Chapter 1

**Open Your Heart**

Author's Note: Yes this fic bears a very similar name to one of my other fics, and that is actually for a reason. This is like another version of "Open My Heart", except its set after Season 3A after Derek left Beacon Hills. Its based upon the 3B spoilers somewhat.

ooOoo

**One**

Derek could only think of getting far away from Beacon Hills, the town that had only ever brought him pain. Okay, so it hadn't been only pain. There were still people he cared about there.

Derek's fingers tightened on the steering wheel. Even within the depths of his mind he found it hard to acknowledge feelings for others sometimes. He'd learned not to get too attached to people over the years, and that's why he'd left without saying goodbye... to anyone.

He tried to focus on the void within himself, letting any feeling for those faces slip away. Stiles flashed through his mind again. He'd been letting Stiles get closer lately. Maybe it had been knowing that Jennifer had lied and used him. Wasn't that how it always was?

Stiles was a lot of things, but a manipulator wasn't one of them. Even when he tried to hide his feelings behind sarcasm or a cool indifference Derek wasn't fooled.

It wasn't only Stiles, Derek also had a certain level of feeling for Scott. Scott really surprised him sometimes with how much he cared about others. He was the alpha Derek should have been.

Should have been...

Derek was the alpha no longer. He no longer felt the alpha's fire within him. It was strange to feel its absence, to know it was no longer there. It was almost like wanting to tap into this power he didn't actually have. Yet hadn't he done it to save the one person he couldn't lose at all costs?

He looked over at his younger sister, gently dosing in the passenger seat of the SUV. He allowed himself a small smile, inwardly reminding himself not to get too attached to anything. It can be snatched away in an instant. He'd saved her, but what if he hadn't been able to?

Derek's mind went immediately to those he'd failed to save. Erica had been so young, so full of life. Sure she'd been cocky, but she was his pack, like his sister in so many ways. He'd given her the bite. He'd done it for power, because he didn't want to fail as the alpha. Looking back, he'd probably been doomed to fail from the start.

Scott had been right. You don't just make a pack for selfish reasons. How had Derek been any better than Deucalion in a sense? He'd given a bunch of troubled teenagers a curse for his own gain. He would never forget holding Erica's lifeless body in his arms, looking into those lifeless eyes, before using his fingers to gently slide the lids closed forever. He'd buried her himself, and yes he'd mourned.

Boyd was buried next to her. Derek had killed him with his own claws. He hadn't meant to do it, but he'd never be able to forget those last moments, Boyd's face as life slowly left him.

Stiles had been there then too. Jennifer had stood there in the entrance of loft and simply watched him in his grief. Now Derek knew why. She'd been using him from the beginning. It had been Stiles who shared his grief, who stood strong by him, the comforting hand on his shoulder.

Derek would never forget it, or how strangely right it had felt. He couldn't help thinking now that it shouldn't have been anyone else besides Stiles. Hadn't Stiles shown time and again that he was the only one who really cared?

That's why he had to let Stiles go. He couldn't go further and set himself up to lose someone else. That was the one reason above all others that he had to leave Beacon Hills behind.

In a way it did feel liberating to know he was getting further and further away from his dark past with every mile. In another way it felt like he was leaving behind everyone and everything that held real meaning in his life.

He looked sidelong at Cora again, feeling his heart soar, knowing he still had her. She was enough to numb the dull ache of everyone else he missed, but nothing it seemed would be enough to stop Stiles from swimming into his mental image.

Derek's fingers tightened in frustration around the steering wheel with enough force to bend it. Why couldn't he get Stiles out of his head?

ooOoo

Stiles parked his Jeep in front of the shotty old apartment complex, stepping out onto the pavement. What had brought him here? He'd figured Derek might need someone after all that had transpired.

They'd found Jennifer's body about seven this morning near the nemeton. Surely Derek had heard about it by now? What kept bringing Stiles back here? It was probably that Derek seemed so alone in the world. Everybody needed someone, and Stiles' nature just wouldn't let him ignore that.

Twilight had fallen, casting its orange glow over the nearly empty parking lot. Stiles felt a feeling of forboding as he stepped into the elevator that would take him up to the loft. Something just didn't feel right.

He stepped onto the rooftop landing as soon as the elevator doors swung open, making his way for the loft doors.

"Derek," he called out, banging at the sliding door. "Hey! Open up Sourwolf! I know you're in there!"

No answer came. That feeling of forboding came back. Stiles finally decided to just try to handle, finding that it shifted beneath his hand.

He slid the door back. All the lights were off. The first thing he noticed stepping inside was that most of Derek and Cora's things were gone. The loft was completely silent. He was hardly aware of his heart dropping, as an unushered tear slid down his face.

Derek was gone...

Derek hadn't even said goodbye...

Anger mingled with grief. Stiles choked back a sob, huffing defiantly. How could he? He bawled his fingers into a fist at his side, feeling like he could punch Derek right this moment. This better be some kind of joke!

Derek would come back right? Stiles stood in silence, awash with emotions for several moments. He didn't know why he went over to the couch and sat down on it. Part of him knew Derek wasn't coming back, maybe not ever.

An idea occured to him suddenly. He reached in his pocket for his phone.

ooOoo

Derek pulled out of the McDonalds drive-thru, back onto the highway. They were in a small southern California town named Blythe. It didn't have much, but Cora had complained about being hungry, and Derek had been a little himself.

He bit into his McDouble, thinking they should probably drive a little further that evening, but his sister had other ideas.

"We should stop," Cora spoke, giving him an expectant look. "Derek?"

Derek really wanted to get out of California at least, but he knew his sister didn't like being argued with. They were alike in that way.

"Alright," Derek replied evenly.

He pulled into the driveway of a very shady looking Travel Inn. It was probably the only hotel out here on the edge of the desert. There were only two cars in the entire parking lot besides their SUV.

Derek stepped out, looking at the tiny motel with slight distrust. His thoughts returned to Beacon Hills immediately and his family's old home. That would always feel like home in his heart, not the loft.

He'd gotten distracted with his thoughts until something hit the pavement next to him, his duffle bag. He turned his gaze on Cora pulling her own duffle out of the back of the SUV. Derek raised an eyebrow, walking toward the office with his usual defiant air. He always put on that face for people, especially ones he didn't know.

ooOoo

Stiles should have known that Scott would bring Isaac along. They were tied at the hip these days, but just as well. Isaac was the last of Derek's fledglings.

"Do you know how long he's been gone?" Isaac asked, eying Stiles with a worried frown.

"If I did you think I'd call you about it?"

Scott gave Stiles a look that said he was just as worried about Derek's sudden disappearance.

"He's probably just left town to get some air," Scott pointed out, ever the voice of reason. "A lot has happened. I think if I were in Derek's shoes I might never want to see this place again."

He turned a gentle gaze of Stiles.

"I'm sorry dude."

Stiles shook his head, managing a forced grimace.

"You're probably right Scott," he said in an almost dead voice. "Its good he's gone."

That's what Stiles said, but inside he felt like a big piece was suddenly missing from his life.

ooOoo

Derek and Cora had settled into their stale smelling hotel room. Cora had complained about it, but Derek pointed out that she'd been the one that suggested they stop.

"Whatever," Cora had retorted, making immediately for the bathroom.

It wasn't long before Derek heard the shower running. He decided to check his phone messages. His phone had been off all day. He recalled that it was Stiles who had bought him this thing, always complaining that he needed one.

Why wasn't he surprised that all three unanswered text messages he had were from the hyperactive teen?

**Stiles (7:43 pm): How could you do that Derek? **

**Stiles (7:44 pm): You left without saying anything**

**Stiles (7:47 pm): Did I mean that little to you?**

Derek wasn't sure why an uncomfortable feeling of guilt washed through him at the words on the screen. Is that what Stiles thought? Thinking about it, Derek realized that's probably exactly how the boy had taken it.

He knew he should reply, but what could he say? Everytime he thought about what he would type the guilt jolted him, and he knew there was nothing he could say to make this right.

The last text replayed through his mind, an uncomfortable feeling having settled into his chest: **"Did I mean that little to you?"**


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

Somehow it didn't feel right to Stiles to just leave Derek's loft sit empty.

"You can't sulk over him forever Stiles," Scott pointed out.

Part of him knew Scott was right. There was nothing more to talk about, and Isaac seemed especially impatient to leave. Scott placed a supportive hand on his shoulder, giving him that puppy face.

"Please?" Scott asked, face full of concern. "I don't want you staying here by yourself. You'll just pine after Derek and act depressed. I know you Stiles. Besides, Peter might come back."

Scott would win as usual. Stiles nodded, reluctant to leave, but his best friend was completely right. The loft made him think of Derek, and if he stayed there he would just think about him more. That would be his only reason to stay, and that would be completely pointless. Derek was gone.

It felt strangely sad for Stiles to look back over the mostly empty living room before pulling the loft door shut. He wished it didn't feel as final as it did. Scott gave his shoulder another supportive squeeze, while Isaac watched on indifferently.

ooOoo

Derek toweled himself dry, putting on a fresh set of underwear and taking in his ripped physique in the bathroom mirror. He knew anyone would find him attractive, but that only set him back to thinking about Stiles. Would he find him attractive?

Derek still wasn't quite sure if the teen held some hidden feelings for him, though he suspected it. It shouldn't matter now. He had no intention of returning to Beacon Hills. Cora could never be safe as long as they remained there.

His thoughts returned to Boyd and Erica, thinking of the many things he could have done differently. He still remembered the day they'd left and been taken. They had thought him a failure as their alpha, and maybe he had been.

Why did he always fail? That seemed to be his one consistent ability, failing everyone he cared about. He shouldn't have let Erica and Boyd leave. He shouldn't have let Peter talk him into getting an alpha to turn Paige. He shouldn't have trusted Jennifer or Kate. There were so many things he could have done differently.

Why did part of him feel like he was failing again now? No, he couldn't let himself think that. He was protecting Stiles by staying away, because everyone around him always got hurt.

ooOoo

Stiles lay on his bed, hugging one of his pillows to himself, mind still on Derek. Where was he now? What was he doing? Was he ever coming back?

He should feel angry at Derek, but he felt angry at Scott actually. He'd dropped Scott and Isaac off at the McCall residence, and had his best friend even invited him in? No, of course not!

Sometimes Stiles wondered who was really Scott's best friend these days, him or Isaac? Stiles really didn't want to dislike Isaac. The kid had been through more than any of them when he thought about it. Derek had been Isaac's alpha before pretty much kicking him to the curb for Cora.

When Stiles thought about it Derek was selfish, and self-centered. Derek couldn't be any good for him, so why did he care? Because of one little thing... knowing the pain of loss.

Stiles knew what losing someone you cared about felt like, and Derek had lost his entire family. Thinking back, Stiles realized that's what had caused his feelings for Derek from the beginning. He had known the story about the Hale massacre, the fire.

Most people would have taken the hint if they had to put up with the downright nastiness he took from Derek sometimes, except that Stiles really couldn't convince himself that the older man was an entirely bad person. Derek wasn't bad, he was broken.

Stiles remembered back to Peter's story about Paige. Derek's eyes...

Derek needed someone to save him, and Stiles had resolved to be that person. He'd almost given up on the idea that he and Derek could ever be close, but hearing about Paige had renewed his determination. Everyone deserved to have a friend, someone to carry them through the bad times, and Stiles had wanted to be that person.

They had become closer, or so Stiles had thought. Now it just seemed like they were back to square one. Nothing he ever did was good enough. He could keep saving Derek, but what if he ever needed to be saved?

ooOoo

Derek lay against the mattress, listening to Cora's gentle breathing. He couldn't sleep, but he didn't want to disturb her by making any noise, so instead he decided to play on his phone.

Once he unlocked it he immediately thought of the text messages, wondering if he should text Stiles back. There couldn't be any harm in just that, could there?

He re-read over the boy's last text.

**Stiles (7:47 pm): Did I mean that little to you?**

The words made him feel like a jerk. How could he tell Stiles how he felt, only to explain to the boy that they could never be? He'd hurt too many people, and the thought that Stiles could get hurt because of him was just unbearable.

He found himself not sure of what to reply, but he knew he'd have no rest until he did. He thought about the confusion and hurt Stiles must be feeling. He re-read the words one more time, knowing that he couldn't just let Stiles go on thinking about them that way.

ooOoo

Stiles let his eyes fall closed for about the fifth time that night. He felt like sleeping, but his anxiety level wouldn't allow him to get any further than half-asleep. His breathing evened out, and he might have managed it when a buzzing noise cut into his brain.

Maybe it was Derek. The thought of that made him reach for his phone, heart jumping with excitement at the sender's name lit up on the screen.

**Derek (10:54 pm): No. The truth is I'm not sure**

Well that was a disappointment! Not sure of what? Stiles quickly typed out his reply: **'Meaning?'**

It seemed forever, though it was only a few minutes, before his phone buzzed again.

**Derek (10:57 pm): I'm not sure what I feel**

**Derek (10:58 pm): I don't want you to get hurt**

Stiles felt his heart sink, understanding Derek's meaning all too well. Fresh sobs wracked through him, as tears streamed down his cheek. Derek might even return his feelings, but he wasn't willing to take a chance. Derek probably thought this was his way of protecting him. Oh how Stiles wished he didn't get it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**

The darkness around him was like a swirling mass filled with grayish shapes, distorted and twisted. Where was he? This was a terrible darkness, cold, and penetrating into his very bones. Stiles felt like he couldn't run, couldn't escape from it.

He was plunged under. He realized it was water, like that night he'd sacrificed himself to the nemeton. He struggled, feeling like he couldn't breathe. Hands were holding him under, strong hands.

He looked up, expecting to see Lydia, but instead it was Derek's face he saw, cold and hard with that usual scowl. Stiles kicked and pushed up. His head came above the surface, but Derek was no longer there. He was no longer in water, and he wasn't even wet.

Stiles recognized this place. It was a graveyard. Something rushed through some nearby bushes. He looked around frantically, eyes widening in terror as his gaze fell on a horrific sight. His dad was bound to a tree around the throat, sacrificed.

He heard his screams echo in his head, darkness engulfing him once more. Stiles snapped awake suddenly, aware that he was sticky with sweat. It was still dark. His bedside clock said 4:37 am.

Stiles reached for his bedside lamp, clicking it on and illuminating his bedroom with light. The dream was still fresh in his mind. Only a dream. That was all.

He reached for his cell phone, suddenly thinking that maybe Derek had messaged him back. He had two new messages.

**Derek (12:42 am): I'm sorry if that was insensitive of me to say. Stiles?**

**Derek (1:03 am): You're probably mad at me. You have every right to be mad. I never knew what I could say**

**Derek (1:21 am): I'm going to bed now. Just know that I'm sorry**

Stiles felt a confusing mass of emotions errupt within him. Derek was sorry? What was he sorry for? Sorry that he couldn't love Stiles like he wished he could?

Stiles let his mind replay to the events of last night. Derek had sent him those other texts. Stiles pulled them up again on the screen.

**Derek (10:57 pm): I'm not sure what I feel**

**Derek (10:58 pm): I don't want you to get hurt**

Reading them over again he realized he may have over-reacted. Derek might not even feel the same way he did. Derek said he didn't want him to get hurt, but in what context?

Stiles knew that the only way to find out was to text or call. Either way, Derek didn't like sharing his feelings too much. Stiles could only imagine what a fun conversation that would be. No, that was simply out of the question. He'd better settle for texting.

**'I'm only mad because you left without even telling me goodbye. I thought I meant more to you than that. That's all... **

**I thought we were getting closer. I'm not even really mad anymore, just kind of hurt.'**

Stiles paused to re-read that briefly, his ADHD getting the better of him. Just send it and see what happens...

Well there was no way he was getting anymore sleep. He would just check his Facebook and stuff until later.

ooOoo

Derek had awoken to an empty bed, and a note on the bedside stand. Cora had went to grab them breakfast somewhere. The note told him not to worry, and to get some more sleep. If Derek was honest, he could use it. His life had been one up and down after the next in the past two months.

That's why he couldn't go back to Beacon Hills. Even he wasn't sure how much more he could take. Thinking of Beacon Hills reminded him to check his phone for texts. He only had one from a few hours earlier.

**Stiles (4:50 am): I'm only mad because you left without even telling me goodbye. I thought I meant more to you than that. That's all... **

**I thought we were getting closer. I'm not even really mad anymore, just kind of hurt.**

Derek tried not to feel the guilt that rushed through him afresh. Stiles did mean more to him than he could ever let the boy know. Derek really wasn't sure what he felt for Stiles. He hadn't felt feelings this spontaneous since his crush on Paige years ago.

He wasn't sure this was a crush. Derek only knew that it was something. He felt a dull ache suddenly as he thought about Stiles, wondering if he was alright. He'd wondered before when things got dangerous, but now it was the pain of distance.

Derek couldn't allow himself to cave in to weakness. He'd never done that. He knew what he had to do, why he had to stay away from everyone he cared about, and especially Stiles. He even planned to try to leave Cora with another pack somewhere. That's what would be best for everyone, to be safe and away from him.

He was hardly aware of the tears sliding down his cheek. Derek hated it when he felt alone. That's how it had to be. He had to stay away from people in order not to hurt them. It was his fault that Paige had died. He'd eased her suffering by killing her. He'd as good as burned his family alive by being involved with Kate. Now Jennifer was gone too.

Derek had seen it on the news. That's what had made him decide he had to leave. Jennifer's body had been found near the nemeton, slashed up by some unknown creature. It had to be Derek's fault. After all, Jennifer had made the mistake of getting involved with him.

Derek couldn't let Stiles get involved with him. Otherwise he might be next. He had to keep Stiles away. Derek grabbed his phone to text as the words came to him.

**'You don't understand why it has to be this way. I get everyone hurt Stiles, and I can't get you hurt too. That's why I had to leave. If you got hurt Stiles... I think I'd literally kill myself.'**

Derek signed and used his finger to hit 'send'.

ooOoo

Stiles gave his hair one more swipe with the comb, looking himself over in the mirror. He'd initially started wearing his hair this way because of Derek, to show the wolf that he had a friend and was cared about. Now Stiles just thought it looked good on him.

He felt the buzz in his pocket that was surely indicative of another text message. He felt anxiety rise even before reading it, heart literally twisting with pain at the words:

**Derek (8:11 am): You don't understand why it has to be this way. I get everyone hurt Stiles, and I can't get you hurt too. That's why I had to leave. If you got hurt Stiles... I think I'd literally kill myself**


	4. Chapter 4

**Four**

When they crossed the state line into Arizona, Derek couldn't help feeling that it was all really behind him. That feeling of being away from the danger and evils of Beacon Hills took a weight off of him.

It wasn't ten minutes later however that the feeling was gone, replaced with a familiar emptiness. Why was it Stiles he thought of?

He hoped the boy would just leave things be. It would make things easier for both of them. Before he and Cora had checked out of the little motel in Blythe he'd struggled with a decision- to go forward or turn around. In the end his stubborness had won out. He couldn't give into weakness and turn back.

The further away from Beacon Hills they drove, the heavier that place in him seemed to become. He focused on his will, his decisions that he never backed down from, letting his drive eclipse the pain of longing for the moment.

Cora must have noticed how focused he looked, because she gave him a skeptical look with a raised eyebrow.

ooOoo

"I should have known that's how he felt," Stiles sighed irritably, falling back on Scott's bed. "Why wouldn't he? Its sad, but in a way its kinda true. Everyone Derek has ever cared about has gotten taken from him."

"He still has Cora," Scott pointed out.

Stiles thought about that. In a way it assured him, knowing that Derek wasn't all by himself out there. He was glad that Derek had Cora. Maybe he should let the former alpha go, except it wasn't that easy. Stiles was beginning to realize in Derek's absence just how deep his feelings went. He felt an empty burning, realizing a fresh hole had been opened in his heart.

"Stiles?" Scott asked in a gentle voice.

Stiles hadn't hardly noticed the tears streaming down his face.

"You're crying," Scott pointed out the obvious.

Stiles sniffled and wiped his arm across his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he managed with a watery laugh. "Just really bad allergies."

"You really got it bad," Scott observed, not at all fooled. "Why didn't you ever tell him anything?"

Stiles shot him a skeptical look, snorting with genuine humor this time.

"Yeah right. I can just imagine how that would have went. Nah, I know how he is. He needs distance."

His best friend eyed him with slight disbelief.

"How do you understand him so well?"

Stiles gave a shrug.

"I just do," he replied in a low voice, eyes distant. "I don't entirely understand it myself. I just catch on to things."

Scott went silent for a long moment, thinking about what Stiles was saying. He got Derek in a way none of the rest of them did. He opened his mouth to ask a question when his bedroom door creaked open and there stood Isaac with their take out.

"Got your sweet and sour extra crispy," Isaac shot Stiles a bright look. "See? I did remember!"

Stiles just smiled back. He and Isaac really had gotten more friendly.

ooOoo

They'd finally stopped in Tucson for a late lunch, at Cora's insistence. Derek really hadn't wanted to stop, but he hadn't realized how hungry he was either. Driving had been his therapy, his way of keeping his sights on his mission.

It was getting easier not to think about Beacon Hills. He was partly glad to see that Stiles hadn't returned his last text. It wouldn't be easy, but the boy would have to move on. He'd have to realize why there could never be anything between them.

It was the only way.

ooOoo

Stiles decided to head for the seven eleven on his way home from Scott's. He shouldn't be hungry after that huge Chinese feast earlier, but he was a growing boy. Besides, nothing hit the spot like beef jerky.

His Jeep pulled into the parking lot. Not very many cars here for it still being fairly early, just after dark.

Stiles reached for the door, not sure why he felt a sudden jolt like something dangerous. He was just being silly. The alphas were all gone, except Ethan and Aiden, and they were on their side now.

Self-assured, Stiles stepped into the slightly cold convenience store. There was only four other people in the joint. He smiled widely at a little girl holding her mother's hand. The girl's mother gave Stiles a smile.

"She's a sweetie," Stiles complimented, smiling down at the small girl again. "Yes you are. You so sweet!"

Their exchange was interrupted by a deep growl of a voice.

"Hands up!"

Their faces all turned immediately. A man in dirty, tattered clothes with long, greasy salt and pepper hair was holding a gun. Stiles raised his hands, eyes wide. He was no werewolf.

The man with the gun turned on the cashier.

"Open the register, pronto!"

The young clerk gulped and reached under the counter.

"No funny stuff," the thug threatened. "Otherwise..."

Stiles saw what the man would do before he even turned around. Even if it was only a threat, he couldn't let it happen. His feet were moving as quickly as his brain registered the thought.

"I said don't move!"

A shot was fired. Stiles felt a sharp pain in his chest, letting out a gasp. He'd managed to get in front of the girl and her mother at least.

"Mommy," the girl cried out.

Stiles gave her a small smile, breathing heavy from the wound in his chest.

"A-at least," he gasped. "P-protected... "

His world was spinning. He heard sirens, but he was falling, falling into darkness...

ooOoo

Bowie was another small town, close to the Arizona-New Mexico border. Cora wanted to stop, and she of course called the shots on this road trip. Derek knew better than to argue with her.

They'd just pulled into the driveway of another shotty-looking nowheresville motel. Derek had felt his cell phone buzz in his pocket some twenty minutes ago, but refused to take his eyes off the road. Now he checked his texts, heart feeling like it dropped into his stomach at what he read.

**Scott (7:32 pm): Derek, Stiles was shot, he's in critical condition at the ER**

"Derek?" Cora's concerned voice barely penetrated into his clouded thoughts.

She'd seen the fallen look on his face. On the inside he blamed himself immediately. He hadn't been able to protect Stiles after all. This was his fault.

"My fault," Derek whimpered, covering his eyes with his hand.

"Derek what's happened?" Cora demanded.

"Stiles," Derek choked out, still not moving his hand to show his tears. "I can't... "

Cora placed a hand on his arm.

"Hey," she spoke gently, almost a whisper. "What about Stiles?"

Derek took a few minutes to compose himself, not answering her, wiping at his eyes. He took a few steadying breaths before speaking.

"We have to go back Cora. Stiles is hurt. I can't leave him."

Cora nodded, knowing that deep down her brother cared about everyone back in Beacon Hills. They would always be like his pack in a way.

"Can you drive?" he asked, wiping at his eyes again.

Soon they were on the road again. Cora tried to keep her eyes and the road and not notice the deeply wounded look on Derek's face, eyes wet with tears. Maybe her brother cared more about Stiles than any of them had guessed.


End file.
